Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Welcome in 2007

The New Year has come and gone and it has been SOOOO long since I wrote anything here. Why is that?

Too much work during the month of January is definitely the quick response. But an overall flux, a feeling of being adrift and rudderless is the better explanation.
The stars say it's an odd time for one like me. How much faith should I put in just letting it all go and how much effort should I dedicate to getting my shinola together?

I'm always thinking about my shinola - the reason I'm on the planet this time round, the things I am doing with my life.

I babysat two littlies last night and that's was an adventure as always. There's immediacy to child care - and child rearing no doubt - that blocks out all other requirements for a while. It must bring such relief in some ways because you are clearly doing something meaningful and directed in your life when building little human beings. And still people do that and more.

I have been reading a lot - always do when under pressure. And, let's face it, there's so much to read out there. Recently a relative told me she cannot read fiction because "there is just too much to get through in the world". By this she meant there is just sooo much factual information to take in - she reads only non fiction and biogs and the rest. I get that but I feel EXACTLY the same about fiction. There are just sooo many thoughts and fantasies to hear, so many people's musings, over the centuries, on life and living it. Make believe or reality, what does it matter? In good novels the author ALWAYS gives you insights into how they see the world or they imagine a way of living that they might not have the courage, mean spiritedness, audacity or opportunity to live themselves but they just need to explore it anyway.

I've written about comparing oneself to others many times before. I still believe it was one of the most solid developments I made in 2006 - the final acceptance that comparing oneself to others is the path to a big pile of hot, steaming you know what. I'm not saying it NEVER happens anymore. I am saying that I give it a nod and move on. You never know how truly happy anyone is until you are right there in that person's head. I found myself thinking of that last night while baby sitting. There was a moment when the two children were so heartbreakingly divine that I thought, if you looked in the window and saw us, you could concoct a whole happy story as you watched. And yet, I could be a young mum, staring at those kids, and thinking about suicide or some other spiritual pain. God I'm upbeat aren't I?

The reason I cannot compare myself to others was brought home to me clearly this week when I looked at the lives of two fascinating people and was blown away equally by them both. One is a friend's sister who works for the UN and is in Dafur 'brokering peace' - not bad for a girl from country Victoria. The other was an author who goes by the name of Jed Rubenfeld. He is currently a Professor of Law at Yale University and is one of the USA's foremost experts on constitutional law. As a Princeton undergraduate, he completed his thesis on Freud. At the Juilliard School, he studied Shakespeare. He's written a damn fine novel too. I mean really! Can people just stop?

So ... I am not sure where I'm going with this. What a rave! Basically I am sorting through the fog and, with the help of those in high places, some solid forms will be making themselves seen in the not too distant future.


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